Yes. Very much so. *cry*
I returned from Australia, feeling fabulous, feeling positive, feeling excited for the year to come. I started drafting blog posts about my goals for 2016 – travel goals, uni goals, personal goals, alllllll kinds of goals. Yes I felt a little blue because I was missing the sunshine and my family, but overall I was in a really great place. Of course, because it’s me, something dramatic had to go and happen and ruin everything; bursting my bubble of joy and happiness and quickly turning a great month into one of the worst I’ve ever had.
I won’t go into details about what happened, a) because it hasn’t be resolved yet, and b) because I have literally no more energy or tears left to waste on this dramzzz.
I don’t cry. Literally, never. I cry when I’m watching a film and an animal gets hurt. I cry when I spiders, daddy long-legs’, or moths come at me and I can’t escape. I cry when I get too excited and can’t stop laughing. That’s it. So, the fact I spent three days straight crying is a give away that this was a big deal for me.
And, with this drama, I have noticed some very unwelcome side effects. As if having a small mental breakdown every day wasn’t enough, now I have to deal with all this nonsense.
- Sugar addict. I haven’t really craved anything sweet since I went sugar free late last year. But now, ohhhhhhhhhhhh all I want is a bag of skittles, a cup of hot chocolate and a tub of ice cream. In fact, writing this, I’ve just eaten a slice of coffee and walnut cake, a tin of rice pudding and 6 profiteroles drowning in a rich chocolate sauce. Not ok.
- Fatty bum bum. I’ve put on all the weight I lost pre-holiday and MORE! In just over a week of stress, how is that possible? My belly constantly looks like it’s nursing a pizza baby.
- Gym avoider. Yeah, I’ve been to the gym twice since I came back from Australia. Currently, the only workout I’m getting is walking to the shop to buy Chelsea Buns and using my biceps to shove them in my mouth as soon as possible. I can not think of anything worse than being in a room full of people who have clearly got their sh*t together, when I am falling apart.
- One. Big. Giant. Spot. My skin hasn’t been this bad since I was like 16. I haven’t changed my skincare regime and I’m still using all my favourite, swear-by them products. But it must be a combination of stress, poor diet, lack of exercise, general low mood and sleep exhaustion – because I have got like a rash of spots all over my face and I can’t get rid of them. Wahhhhhhhh. I look gross and have no self esteem at the moment and this just makes me want to cry even more.
I know I need to just stop. Stop stressing about the situation I’ve found myself in, stop eating cr*p, stop making excuses to avoid the gym, stop feeling sorry for myself. Staaaaaaaahp. But, I can’t. Instead, I want to sit in my bed, surrounding by sweets, pizza, my best friends, my dogs and my mommma, and just vent.
I just wanted to share this because I haven’t blogged in a few weeks and I wanted y’all to know why. Hopefully I will have sorted it by the end of this week, but who knows. I’m going to try to get some posts up ASAP, and hopefully that will distract me from all the stress.
Stay happy and stay sassy xox